I had been attending regular school since January of 1957.  I remember how frightened I was on the first day attending class.  Since I had entered mid-year, of course, I stood out anyway, being a new student right after Christmas break.   Some concessions had been made by the school.  No gym class!  I didn’t know how Mother managed to pull that off but, of course, there wasn’t any alternative and, regardless of the obvious problems, I hated gym class anyway!  I figured out later that the school, although technically a public school, was in fact well-supported by the local community.  Father had made some rather sizable contributions, and I guess that made conceding my physical training good for everyone. 

After the first few days in school, I had met a couple of girls in my history and art classes.  They invited me to sit with them at lunch, and we started to hang out together a lot.  I found myself engrossed in their discussions about clothes, and shopping…but when they talked boys?  Oh well, we at least shared a lot of other interests and I enjoyed being with them.  I had been accepted into the fold!  

There was a fine line to maintain in these newly found friendships.  I had to always be careful to remember I did have a little extra on my body that they didn’t!  I have to say, though, at that point, the little something extra was very little, probably because of the medications I was taking.  I steered away from things like sleep-over parties, or anything like that.  Still, it was nice to have friends in school!   

My best friend in school was named Francis.  She was very pretty and so nice.   She too loved to sew, and we often shared patterns and ideas for projects to work on.   Mother even took us shopping several times for fabrics and notions, and we would help each other with fittings and slight modifications for clothes we were making.  With summer approaching rapidly, we both enrolled in a summer sewing program offered through a fabric store we both loved.    

That summer we spent an awful lot of time together.  She and I became very close and shared a lot of ‘secrets’ we had heard about other kids in our class.  I guess you would call it gossip!  Then one day, while she and I were having a coke together at the department store close to where we took the sewing classes, she just sort of blurted out how much she would love to have been born a boy!  “I mean, boys have it made!  They can go where they want, when they want, and it just seems unfair.  Don’t you think so?” 

I paused.  “You know Francis, I’m not sure I would want to be a boy.”   She smiled and replied; “Yeah…I guess…but it would be nice to go places and do things whenever I wanted.  You ever wonder what it would be like?” 

I don’t think I ever really answered that question.  Boy…what I could have told her! 

Me bottom, fourth from right, Francis sitting left of me

Life kept on, and everything seemed to be going so wonderfully for me.  My grades were excellent, I had made so many wonderful friends and Francis and I were nearly….sisters!   At our Middle School graduation photo we sat next to each other as usual.   For my part, I looked at the graduation as more than just moving on to high school.  For me it marked the end of any doubt I had chosen the right path.  From that point on, I was a girl…at least as far as I was concerned.  And I would remain so! High school was much harder than any of my schooling before.  Well, except for the intensive training to be girly.  But I kept after it, and studied hard.  I concentrated on science, math, and a lot of advanced courses to prepare myself for enrollment in college as an engineering student.  Everyone thought I was crazy wanting to be an engineer.  “Come-on….girls can’t be engineers!”  I heard that a lot.

Daddy supported me all the way, and Mother was always pushing me to be the very best.  Of course, she also kept after me about my appearance and deportment.  Even after so many years…the old ‘male’ would show his ugly self with some slight gesture, or ‘sprawl,’ as Mother would say.   I hardly even thought about the fact I wasn’t really a girl any longer.  Oh sure, there was the constant reminder when I went to the bathroom, but, in general, I didn’t think much about it any more.   

That was my second ‘little mistake.’   

One day while I was over at Francis’ house studying for a final exam, I had to go to the bathroom.  Without thinking, I left the door open.  After all, it was attached only to her bedroom and her brother wouldn’t be around…I didn’t even think! 

When I came back out, Francis was staring at me, mouth open, like she had seen a ghost!  And suddenly it hit me! 

She just stared at me for a few moments, then quietly, almost as a whisper asked, “Cathy…I’m sorry I shouldn’t have even been looking…can you forgive me?”   

I was panic stricken!  I didn’t know what to do…what to say!  She continued, “I…but you’re a girl…aren’t you?  I mean…I’ve seen your breasts and…what was that thing down there?” 

I remained quiet for some time.  I had to tell her!  I had to!   

I finally sat down to tell her… 

When I finished my whole story, she just looked at me for a few moments. Then she leaned over and kissed me. 

The short story is…she thought there was something different about me.  She said she HOPED there was something!  She had been feeling…attracted to me?  And not like girlfriends - much stronger.  “You have no idea how relieved I am!”  she said.  “I…well, I thought maybe I was a lesbian or something!”  And she started to giggle.  “Oh Cathy…this is wonderful!” 

*    *    *    * 

We found a new bond that day.  And what could have been a horrible disaster once again turned into something wonderful.  Two little mistakes in my life, each bringing with it a complete change that turned out so wonderful.  Finally I had someone I could be open and honest with about…well, anything!  Oh sure, I could talk to Mother, and Daddy, and even a couple of doctors….but this was special!  This was someone who was a friend!   

She said she would never tell a soul.  I believed her, I trusted her.  And to this day, I don’t believe she has ever told anyone…not even her mother or father.   

Our friendship grew even more after that.  We were almost inseparable as girlfriends.   Some of our other friends honestly began to wonder, I think.  Little did they know that, in private, we were indeed very close.  It never bothered either of us in the end.  We both know that, in reality, our closeness was OK!  I was, after all, biologically still a male and she was certainly all female.  After what was approaching three years living as a girl, I didn’t think of myself as anything but a girl, to be honest…except with her.   

As we grew through high school, and eventually college, we remained close with that special friendship that even my parents were surprised at.  Mother asked me once if there was something I wanted to tell her about my friendship with Francis and finally, one day I explained it all to her.  She was so relieved when I told her the whole story and happy I found someone who could share my history without reproach. 

I did become an engineer…and have had a great time and wonderful career.  Francis and I have stayed very close through all these years.   I wish I could go on with my stories, but I think you get the idea.  Small mistakes sometimes turn out for the best after all. 

So many years ago…