I had several sets of panties with all the days of the week embroidered on them.  I actually wondered why, but got no answers from either of my ‘teachers’ at the time.  Later, I did take some pleasure in occasionally putting on the wrong day…sort of a mini rebellion to being trained to be a good girl?   I took pleasure in knowing I had sort of gotten away with something until one day when I hadn’t paid the proper attention to my skirt and heard my mother behind me asking just exactly why I thought it was Sunday!  Oops! 

One afternoon they broke the news: We were all going out.  I remember thinking out loud they must be kidding!  After a few minutes, Mother led me to a full length mirror in the front of Tess’s store and stood me in front of it.  “Now…what do you see in that mirror?”  She asked seriously.    I looked…and looked.  What I saw was me, wearing girls' clothes!  Well…not really me but… 

“What I see is a frightened little girl…but a girl nonetheless!  Look very closely now…”  My mind said it was me…wearing a dress.  My eyes saw a  girl.  But…it was me, after all…I was so confused about what I was doing!   Over the next hour or so, though, Mother made it clear I wasn’t getting out of leaving the privacy and safety of the confines I had been in…and so I asked her to help me pick out and  change into a different dress. Tess fixed my hair just right, and Mother took my hand as we walked slowly out the door.  Even though I had slowly become more confident over the past week while inside, going out into the world was…frightening! 

I’ll always remember feeling…so exposed!  We walked to the car and Mother let my hand go so she could get her keys out.  I  suddenly felt a bit nervous standing alone as she unlocked her door and got in.  She reached over to unlock the passenger door and I quickly opened the door and started to get in.  Mother stopped me, reminding me it would be appropriate for me to sit in the back and let Tess take the front seat.  I stopped, turned around and moved out of the door opening to offer the seat to Tess.  I was so nervous!  But Tess, sensing my concern, leaned in, reached around and unlocked the back passenger side door.  “Thank you, dear, but I think I’d rather sit in back, if you don’t mind?”  As she slowly slid into the car my manners sort of took over and I actually closed her door for her.  What was I thinking?  I was now ALONE, in front of everyone!  Wearing a dress!   I quickly moved to get myself into the car without thinking what they had been teaching me only that day!  Somehow I managed to stop myself, gather my thoughts, and turn slightly, sitting on the seat. Keeping my knees together, I swiveled myself in and quickly yanked the door closed!  The exposed feeling was certainly magnified being outside like I was, and I clearly understood the ’skirt training’ lessons with a much greater appreciation!  Whew!   Mother just smiled . 

Feeling a little more safe in the car, I tried to relax while Mother drove us to a nice restaurant.  Getting back out of the car was even more nerve wracking, but I managed.  As we began to walk, Mother once again took my hand and reassured me I looked wonderful, and to relax.  Oh sure…easy for her!   What if SHE had to wear a dress in public!…Oh…   But, as we walked along the sidewalk, we passed several people and…nobody seemed to stare at me.  I even began to feel sort of…confident!  Finally, we approached the door of the restaurant Mother had decided on.  A man standing outside quickly opened the door and we all walked in.  As we passed through, I heard him distinctly say, “Have a wonderful evening ladies.”  Wow! 

After we were seated, and drinks were ordered (well…a Coke for me), Mother suggested She and I go wash our hands.  And so…off to the ladies room.  Oh my goodness…is there no end?  While we were in there, she suggested I might be wise to do something else…just to get used to it, and reminded me quietly to sit.  All I could think at that instant was…MOTHER!  But I have to admit I might have forgotten under the circumstances of my nervous state.  How embarrassing!   

Once again, as we exited the ladies room, I felt a bit of fear walking out in view of everyone!  But…again, no one seemed to pay any attention.  Wow!  Again!   By the end of our dinner, I often glanced around to see who was looking at me and snickering but…I was almost sure someone would, but…..no one was staring at me.

Walking back to the car was a little less scary, I think.  I even shocked myself a little when, walking past an angled window, I saw my reflection and was about to look behind me to get a better look at that girl and her beautiful dress, and maybe even get a glimpse of a petticoat.  Then it occurred to me that I was the girl…and…it was my dress!  I actually stopped and slightly raised my skirt in front…just to see my own petticoat!  It was…wonderful!    The outings became more frequent over the next few days, and especially during the daylight hours!   Each of the lessons were aimed at changing a lot of my previous behaviors in favor of new ones.  My own confidence was improving.  What I found most interesting was that, after even that short a time, the clothes all started to feel…not unusual?  Perhaps I was getting used to them, but it was still all very special to me!  At the same time, I didn’t feel so…out of place appearing in public.   My movements were getting more girlish and I began to feel more and more free to be that way!   For the first time…I wasn’t having to hide anything!        But then…my stay with Tess was over.  I had grown very close to her in those few weeks…but what a filled few weeks it was!  She had taken me from a boy who liked to play dress-up with his mother’s clothes to a young lady…at least in appearance and behavior.  It really was a sad day when I had to say goodbye to her.  She was…well sort of a second mother, I guess.  This photo is one Tess had taken just before we left.  She sent me a copy much later, after we were situated in Portland.