“Honey…your father knows you’ve been working in that dress all day.  You don’t need to change it, and besides…you only have one dress.”  I paused and mentioned I was thinking of my pants.  She just giggled and looked away while she said, “Silly child…girls don’t wear pants!  Remember?  I don’t want you even imagining wearing pants in this house, young lady!   No daughter of mine will be dressing  like a little boy!  Now…before your father comes home, let’s you and I go upstairs for a minute.”

Upstairs, she led me to their bedroom and sat me on her makeup stool.  She opened a jewelry box on her table, picked something out and told me they would have to do for now.  She clipped some earrings on my ears!  A moment later, she maneuvered a necklace around me and, standing behind me, fastened it around me neck.  “A girl need to always look her best and jewelry never hurts.  Now…no pants young lady!  You’re much to pretty for that.”   

As I went to my room, it struck me how ironic things had become. The desire to wear a dress in private.  And suddenly not being allowed to wear pants!   I do remember wishing all my old clothes would just mysteriously disappear forever, magically vanishing from my closet forever, and I began to imagine how wonderful that would be!  But at the same time, I was worried about Mom, and how she seemed so…angry when I was trying so hard.  Of course, she had every right to be upset, I guessed. 

Suddenly, I was pulled out of my fantasy by the sound of Dad’s voice as he walked in the front door.  I froze…I heard him put down his briefcase, the sound of the coat closet door closing, and his footsteps heading toward the kitchen.  I just stood…frozen in my bedroom…  ”Cathy dear…come on downstairs now…we’ve got the table to set for dinner!” 

As I walked to the head of the stairs, I saw him standing at the bottom, looking up at me.  I almost wanted to turn and run as fast as I could.   I gathered all the courage I could, and slowly began coming down the steps just as Mom came over to Dad’s side.  “Well…what do you think?”  She asked. 

“Is this really…?”  And he turned toward Mom.  She just smiled and he turned back toward me.   By the time I got to the bottom of the stairs, he was gushing to Mom about how nice I looked.  “Don’t let her hear that.  It will go to her head and…well she has a lot to learn about how to behave properly, not just look pretty.” 

I remember just standing there, not knowing what to do next.  Mom asked me to walk toward the center of the living room and let Dad have a good look at me.  I turned slowly around and saw him looking at me from my feet to my head.  He finally smiled and turned to Mother.   

“She’s so very pretty, isn’t she dear?”  He walked toward me and when he finally stood right in front of me, got down and put his arms around me.  “I…well you look nice.  Honestly, if I didn’t know who you were…”  I nearly cried but hugged him tightly until he gently moved to get back up.  “Yes…I think she’ll do fine as our daughter don’t you, Mother? ”

*   *   *   *

Saturday, Dad worked outside in the yard in the morning.  Mother made me take him a cup of coffee and sit with him a while outside.  He smiled when he saw me and came to the patio and sat down to sip his coffee.  I was so scared, I remember.  Outside in the back yard, in PLAIN SIGHT…and I was so glad when he finished and asked me to take the cup back inside for him.  Later that afternoon, he and I talked in my room.   He sometimes just looked at me, sort of like a curious look more than anything else.   

I asked if he was angry with me like Mom seemed to be.  I apologized to him and told him how I wished none of this had ever happened.  He just smiled and asked me why I thought they were angry!  When I told him how Mom seemed upset at every thing I was trying all day long, he just smiled.  “Cathy…your Mom is doing exactly what she promised your doctor she would do.  Yes…she seems critical, I’m sure!  But angry she isn’t, believe me!”   

He told me that after I was born, they found that something had happened to Mom and she couldn’t have any more children.  “She and I always assumed we would have a daughter, too.  We even had a name already picked out for her:  Catherine…Cathy.  That’s why your mother gave you that name.  When I look at you now…I see that daughter.”   He smiled and told me that I was a wonderful son.  “And from the looks of it...a Daughter that could be just as wonderful.   Even if it’s only for while, your mother and I are looking forward to seeing what it’s like having a little girl around the house, OK?  You must understand I’m still a bit concerned about all this…but after talking with your doctor, I understand a lot more about what you’ve been having to deal with.  You’re pretty strong for…” and he chuckled with a smile on his face…“ a girl!” 

That night, as I was getting ready for bed, Mom came into my bedroom and presented me with a nightgown!  It was a pastel pink, really lacy, and I loved it the moment I saw it.  After I put it on, I sat on the edge of my bed and looked at her.  She sat down next to me and quietly spoke.  “Honey, your dad told me how you felt today.  I’m so sorry…I’m not angry at you for heaven’s sake!  Don’t ever think that, OK?  I just want you to…well you have so much to learn and so little time, it seems.    What you thought was anger was…well like a teacher wanting you to get the answers all right instead of just some of them right.  Understand?”  I actually cried right then, and reached around her and hugged her as tightly as I could.  I still felt so stupid and ashamed.  She gently wiped the tears from my cheeks and had me crawl under the covers.  As she kissed me goodnight, she smiled her nicest smile and gently whispered.  “You’re going to make such a wonderful daughter, Cathy…you’ll make David proud…”    And for the first time in a while, I slept very soundly!   

 *   *   *   *

The next morning, after I took care of my bathroom details, I hurried to put on my new clothes.  Everything was pretty easy except buttoning up my dress.  I finally had to find Mom and ask for her to help me.   Dad was sitting in the living room, reading the Sunday paper, so he didn’t see me heading toward the kitchen to find Mom.   I felt really strange again wearing a dress, knowing Mom and Dad were going to see me, but still…I liked it very much, and besides… the Doctor ordered it.   She fastened the buttons on my dress for me and helped me into my apron again.  Together we got breakfast on the table. 

That day was….uncomfortable I guess, at least at first.  Mom and Dad around all day, and me feeling very nervous.   Mother took extra time to correct a lot of my ‘normal’ behaviors and began showing me the proper way for a girl to sit, move, walk, and so on.  Each time I did something I always did before…she would comment on how I acted like a boy and if I kept behaving that way, maybe I should be forced to wear boys' clothes.   Before I went off to get ready for bed, Dad sat me down and reminded me I would have to behave like a proper young lady and to help Mom out as much as I could.  “Learn as much as you can from your mother - she’s quite an amazing woman, young lady; you couldn’t have a better teacher.  If you’re going to be our daughter, I expect you to be the best you can be and She’ll teach you well if you’ll do what she asks.”  I smiled, hugged him and went off to bed.  

The following morning, I woke early, eager to get dressed again!  Unfortunately, it was a school day.  Almost grudgingly, I got my school clothes out and got dressed.   All day, I couldn’t wait to get back home and back to…normal!